A few years ago, a friend of mine who is a well-known leader in the emerging church movement told me that many evangelical leaders are quietly questioning their traditional stance on homosexuality. These leaders are open to a gay affirming position, but have kept quiet for fear of alienating their congregations. However, now evangelical leaders—and not just in emerging circles—are testing the waters more publicly. Last year Tony Jones of Emergent gave a nod to the gay affirming position on his blog. Likewise, Brian McLaren, though often ambiguous, has encouraged churches to be agnostic if not affirming. And next weekend, Highlands Church, in Denver, Colorado will be hosting “The Evangelical Church and Homosexuality,” a symposium featuring gay-affirming speakers Justin Lee and Mark Achtemeier.

Lee is the founder of Gay Christian Network and Achtemeier is professor of theology and ethics at Dubuque Theological Seminary. Both men have a unique ability to speak to evangelicals due to their own religious backgrounds. They understand evangelical culture and they know how to appeal to the way evangelicals think. This will likely make them persuasive in shifting more conservative churches to consider a gay-affirming position on homosexuality. In a recent address, Achtemeier recounted how he came to support gay marriage and ordination. His views are well worth exploring to examine how and why some conservatives might come to a gay affirming position. Below are quotes from his address (the subheadings are mine) with a few of my own comments:

1. Forming real friendships with gay people challenged stereotypes:

“. . .opportunity opened up for serious conversation and friendship with some quite remarkable gay Christians. This was new for me. When you are a firebrand exclusivist, hurling thunderbolts and belching fire against the opposition, gay people with any sense tend to avoid your company, or at least they avoid telling you they are gay. As a result, what I knew about LGBT people was pretty much defined by the authors I agreed with, and flamboyant stereotypes presented in the media.”

“Like so many traditionalists, I was accustomed to thinking of homosexuality as a kind of destructive addiction, a disordered inclination toward damaging behaviors that was comparable in some respects to alcoholism . . . I also assumed that a gay lifestyle must certainly involve a fairly casual attitude toward scriptural authority and an inclination toward personal self-indulgence.”

“I was expecting to find self-indulgent individuals, who were inclined to elevate their own personal gratification above any serious wrestling with Christian discipleship. My prejudices could not have been more mistaken. What I found instead were devoted Christian believers, filled with grace and a loving concern for the downtrodden that frequently put me to shame.”

My response: I have said before on this blog that the religious Right often shoots itself in the foot because of the gay stereotypes they foster. I believe the ex-gay movement has also contributed to this problem with its template testimony of “I had a bad childhood and that’s why I am gay” or “My gay life was horrible and promiscuous.”  If that is the only story people hear about homosexuality and they later meet a healthy, well-adjusted gay Christian, it really challenges one’s presuppositions. When conservative propaganda does not match up with the real life gay people folks encounter, it is easy to see why some, like Achtemeier, begin to question their beliefs.

2. It is possible to be gay affirming and still uphold Scripture:

“I hold firmly to the reformation principle that Scripture alone is the highest authority for the church. I further believe that experience is often an unreliable guide to truth, being the product of a nature that is corrupted by sin and self-interest. . . But struggling with this, I came to realize that this important affirmation does not exhaust what needs to be said about the way the Bible and our everyday experience interact with one another. Let me illustrate what I found with a little piece of humor that Saint Augustine threw into an Easter evening sermon he preached in 407 A.D.  The joke comes in the course of comments on 1 John 2:6, where it  says that those who abide in Christ “ought to walk in the same way he walked. “  Well what does this mean, to walk in the same way that Jesus walked, asks Augustine?  Jesus walked on water!  So surely walking in the same way he walked means we should walk on water, too.  Doesn’t that make sense? We chuckle at this.  But why do we immediately recognize this as a joke? It’s not like Augustine’s suggestion isn’t biblical, after all . . . So why don’t we fasten on these stories when we hear John telling us to walk in the same way Jesus walked? The short answer is, this particular way of interpreting the Bible contradicts our experience.”

My Response: Achtemeier did not have a chance to go into his re-interpretation of Scripture during his address. Thus, I cannot comment on his approach. However, I don’t believe his example of Jesus walking on water is a good analogy when it comes to homosexuality. If I read him right, he is basically saying that because it may be impossible for a gay person to go straight, then we should not force the issue. I agree we should not try to force sexual orientation change, but lack of change in sexual orientation does not, then, demand a gay affirming stance. There are many conditions and temptations that are unchangeable, but we don’t consider them God-blessed simply because they are immutable.

3. If gay Christians who try to live celibate lives become suicidal or depressed, this is an indicator that we are trying to push something that is not of God. God’s ways are always life-giving.

“If you can get an alcoholic to stop drinking, you expect that person’s life to get better. Addiction to drink is morally, physically and spiritually destructive; So putting away the bottle leads to human flourishing. Indeed, it’s not unusual to hear people saying “I got my life back” when they talk about recovering from a destructive addiction. If homosexuality is a destructive compulsion like alcoholism, one would surely expect to hear similar sorts of testimonies about it. However much of a struggle abstinence might be, embracing it ought to be life-giving. But I began to encounter testimonies that showed a very different pattern . . . I remember one very devout individual who came to me wanting to talk . . . After years of courageous prayer and struggle, doing exactly what the church and I myself would have counseled, the result was a broken spirit, overwhelmed by despair and anger, ready to renounce the faith and give up on God, seriously contemplating suicide . . . When this person encountered a different understanding of the Bible’s counsel, re-opened to the possibility of finding love as part of a life-journey, and found fellowship in a supportive community of dedicated Christians, the results were simply breathtaking. I saw this person blossom, the waves of depression rolled back, and a vibrant, joyful Christian faith re-emerged. None of this made any sense whatsoever if homosexuality was a destructive compulsion like alcoholism.”

My Response: My understanding of what Achtemeier is saying here is that Scripture points us to what is life-giving, and if gay Christians who have tried to live an obedient, Christian life (by abstaining) end up worse off than before, then something is wrong. I have to agree with him that something is wrong. Though, I am not sure I would come to the same conclusion he has. The recent post, What if You Don’t Change, touches on this. In my own observations, I have seen many reasons why trying to live a single celibate life leads to more despair including: 1) the person is living a closeted life in fear of anyone finding out they are gay 2) a person is focused on trying to change their sexual orientation and despair results when change does not occur 3) there are unresolved feelings of worthlessness; the sexual attractions make a person feel they are sinful and unloved by God 4) rejection from friends or family if one discloses. These are all common reasons for despair that do not have to lead us to conclude homosexuality should be affirmed. I also experienced that despair, but when I came out of the closet, stopped fixating on trying to change my sexual orientation, and realized how much God loves me whether or I am gay or straight, I found much relief. I also have many wonderful people in my life who are not gay affirming, but love me no matter what. All these positive things occurred without me (or my friends) having to affirm homosexuality. The fallacy is in believing that one has to be affirming in order to resolve these other issues. Once these other issues are resolved, the only real remaining challenge is single, celibacy, something I do not think has to lead to despair.

4. Those who are trying to live celibate lives came out of destructive pasts. These individuals confused the dysfunction they experienced (drug addiction, etc) with homosexuality itself. The drug addiction was the problem, not the same-gender relationship.

“Now I would be less than honest if I did not mention the stories that run counter to this pattern I have been describing. I sat in committees at the 2006 and 2008 General Assemblies and listened to testimonies, organized by our friends at One by One, from individuals who had found it healing to move out of a gay lifestyle. I sat there listening to these stories, pondering what to make of them, and suddenly it occurred to me that nearly all of them involved moving away from situations involving either promiscuity or abuse. Not a one of these testimonies told a story of being involved in a loving and healthy same-gender partnership, which the person then decided to leave as an expression of Christian commitment. I realized that these testimonies actually served to confirm what I had been thinking. Of course promiscuous, exploitative or abusive sexual expressions were destructive and unhealthy, and these testimonies I had heard followed exactly the patterns the Bible would lead us to expect: Turning away from sinful patterns of exploitative, abusive and promiscuous behavior led to life and flourishing in the lives of these people.

My Response: This view has also been popularized by the movie Save Me. Many individuals in the ex-gay movement have come out of promiscuity, drug addiction and abusive pasts. However, it seems this template has also been exaggerated because it is the paradigm the ex-gay movement and the reparative therapy movement have created: “If you are gay, it must be rooted in dysfunction.” The fact of the matter is not all people who leave homosexuality do so because of a miserable life of dysfunction. On this point, Achtemeier is simply uninformed. However, I don’t blame him for his ignorance since voices that say otherwise are drowned out by religious Right and ex-gay stereotypes. For the record, I was never promiscuous, never abused drugs, and was not sexually abused. I did not stop being in lesbian relationships because I was miserable. I stopped because the Spirit convicted me of sin. I recently posted a video of three gay people who also testified to leaving homosexuality for spiritual reasons and not necessarily due to abuse or other dysfunction.

(Note: I testified at the PC USA General Assembly hearing in 2008 with OnebyOne and thus, Achtemeier did hear a testimony from someone who did not describe a dysfunctional past. In fact, I purposely wrote my testimony to highlight that. You can see the text of it here).

5. The Bible says “it is not good for a person to be alone” (Genesis 2). We are designed to be in relationship. Lifelong celibacy is not healthy or realistic.

“It turned out that there was another biblical understanding readily available in Genesis 2. You remember how God creates the world in six days and declares all of it “very good.” But there is one aspect of the original creation that God declares “not good.” In Genesis 2:18 God says, “It is not good that the human being should be alone; I will make a helper corresponding to him.” Genesis describes God’s creation of human beings for intimate fellowship with another person. This is not a choice that we can simply reverse or undo. It is deeply inscribed in our nature as human beings. The amazing thing about understanding homosexuality in this new way was that suddenly everything I had been seeing made perfect biblical sense. There turned out to be a substantial theological literature describing how spiritually and psychologically damaging it is to deny that aspect of our nature that is described in Genesis 2. I am referring of course, to the Reformation critiques of mandatory celibacy . . . Using Calvin’s terminology, marriage is the help God has provided for dealing with the necessities he has implanted in human nature. Marriage is given to us, not just in a form that responds to our need, but in a way that is positively sanctifying and life-giving and permeated by grace. If, as Calvin insists, it is foolish and rash for individuals to turn their backs on this divine gift and calling, how much more so when an entire church acts to withhold this gift from an entire class of human beings!

My Response: I agree with Achtemeier that we are naturally designed to couple with another person in marriage. But, is an inability to marry or have sex truly that catastrophic? Is celibacy impossible? Does it cause psychological and spiritual harm? What about those who are forced into single, celibacy because they are unattractive or have a severe disability? What about those who endure single, celibacy because they cannot find a suitable mate? Are these individuals doomed to a neurotic life? This sounds a bit too much like the message I have heard from the conservative church that expects everyone to marry and if one doesn’t there is something unhealthy and mentally deficient about that person. I also question whether deep, intimate love can only be found in marriage. Achtemeier sounds like those in the gay community who say you are doomed to a miserable, lonely life without marriage. Certainly, single celibacy is no walk in the park, but does not life have greater meaning beyond marriage? I would argue that the problem is not with single, celibacy, it is in the ways we respond and cope with it. Life has far greater purpose for us as believers than whether or not we marry. There are many people who have used their single celibacy to serve God—for some it was chosen, for others not. I think of Amy Carmichael, Bruce Olson, John Stott and Henri Nouwen, just to name a few.

We need a little perspective here. Single, celibacy is hard. But, it’s not the hardest thing a person has to endure. There are many others who face a much harder lot in life. I have my health, my family and friends, a good vocation and a roof over my head. My life is meaningful and rich. Not everyone is so fortunate. Some people are starving to death; some live with crippling illness or chronic pain; others are subjected to the ravages of war or poverty. There are even those who suffer in lonely marriages, having discovered that marriage is not always what we idealize it to be. God never promised us that life would be easy or fair. But, he does promise us that we can trust him even when life is difficult. In our pampered American existence, I am afraid we have forgotten what it means to be a disciple of Christ.

Your thoughts?

As many of you may already know there is a highly disturbing bill being considered by the Ugandan government that will place inhumane penalties on those who are gay or lesbian, as well as those who are friends or family of LGBT people. The Ugandan government already allows life imprisonment if convicted of homosexuality. However, a new proposed bill goes even further. Not only does it advocate the death penalty in certain cases, but it also requires anyone who knows of possible homosexual activity to report it within 24 hours or face up to three years in prison. Additionally, it severely censors free speech. Anyone blogging, speaking or otherwise expressing any views on homosexuality considered contrary to the government’s faces the prospect of prison (see the complete text of the bill here).

As Christians, we have a moral responsibility to speak out against injustice. Many readers of this blog, including those of us who have left homosexuality, would be in prison right now if the same laws were enacted in the States. Can you imagine being sent to prison for life for that same-sex relationship you might have been in? Can you imagine being sent to prison for not turning in your son or daughter or friend?

Particularly upsetting is that this bill is supported by Ugandan Christians, including the Family Life Network. While the Ugandan government may not listen to gay rights organizations due to their high level of hostility toward LGBT people, they might listen to conservative American Christians and gay Christians who are not affirming. If this law is passed, any kind of ministry or outreach to those who have same-sex attraction will be virtually impossible (due to mandatory reporting). It will also likely fuel the HIV problem due to people’s fears of being accused of being gay (those who are HIV positive and convicted of having sex face the death penalty).

Jesus came to rescue the world, not to condemn it. Please speak out against this injustice. If this were happening in American, you would hope and pray someone spoke up on your behalf. Below is the contact information for the Ugandan government officials. I am urging you to write a letter and send it to all of these individuals. Not only that, I urge you to ask your pastors and other friends to write as well. Pastors like Rick Warren could have a tremendous influence if they spoke up. I also urge Exodus staff and affiliate ministries to write to these officials as well. And do it now while there is still time.

After you have written the letter and sent it to the contacts below, please cut and paste it in the comments section. I have already done so and posted my letter below, and you are welcome to use any portion of what I have written for your letter. I have also included in the comments section a sample letter from IGLHRC. For more information, see this BBC article as well as Warren Throckmorton.

CONTACT:

President Yoweri Kaguta Museveni
State House Nakasero
P.O. Box 24594
Kampala, Uganda
Tel: 256-41-343-311
Fax: 256-41-346-102
info@statehouse.go.ug

Prime Minister Apollo Nsibambi
Post Office Building, Yusuf Lule Road
P.O. Box 341
Kampala, Uganda
Tel: 256-41-423-6252
Fax: 256-41-434-1139
ps@opm.go.ug

Speaker of the Parliament Edward Ssekandi Kiwanuka
P.O. Box 7178, Parliamentary Avenue
Kampala, Uganda
Tel: 256-414-377-100
Fax: 256-414-231-296
speaker@parliament.go.ug

Minister of Gender, Labour, and Social Affairs
Honorable Opio Gabriel
P.O. Box 1494
Kampala, Uganda
Tel: 256-41-510-732
ps@mglsd.go.ug

Med Kaggwa, Chair of the Uganda Human Rights Commission
Plot 20/22/24 Buganda Road
P.O. Box 4929,
Kampala, Uganda
Tel: 256-414-348-007/8
Fax: 256-414-255-261
uhrc@uhrc.ug

Directorate for Ethics and Integrity
P.O. Box 7142
Kampala, Uganda
Tel: 256-(0)41-430-1600
Fax: 256-(0)41-434-3177
info@dei.go.ug

Mathisen Gørild
Chair of the Uganda Diplomatic Human Rights Working Groups
gorild.mathisen@mfa.no

Send a copy to:
Jerry P. Lanier, Ambassador to the Republic of Uganda
Embassy of the United States of America
P.O. Box 7007,
Kampala, Uganda
Tel: 256-414-259-791/2/3/5
Fax: 256-414-259-794
kampalawebcontact@state.gov

Send an email and fax to:
Perezi K. Kamunanwire, Ambassador to the US
Tel: 1-202-726-4758
Fax: 1-202-726-1727
pkamunanwire@ugandaembassyus.org

Dr. Ruhakana Rugunda
Permanent Representative of the Republic of Uganda to the United Nations
336 East 45 Street
New York, NY 10017
Tel: 1-212-949-0110
Fax: 1-212-687-4517
ugandaunny@un.int

Note: Thanks to IGLHRC for providing this contact information.

What do you do when your sexual orientation doesn’t change? Your answer to that question–now or down the road–will significantly impact your life. Gay Christians’ responses to the lack of change is often the determining factor in whether or not a person ultimately affirms homosexuality as God-blessed. Having either participated in or observed the ex-gay movement for the last fifteen years, I have noticed certain patterns. Usually, initial involvement in a support group brings relief and a sense of camaraderie. There are noble commitments to live for God “no matter what.” And the mantra, “It’s not about heterosexuality; it’s about holiness” keeps everything afloat . . . for awhile. Yet, after four to five years (for some even longer), disillusionment sets in. As it turns out, single celibacy is more challenging than we thought it would be. Or maybe we just assumed we would be one of the lucky ones who ended up married. Singleness was fine for a few years, but five, ten, twenty? A lifetime?

Like everyone else we crave emotional and physical intimacy. We watch our straight (and gay) friends go home to their partners at the end of a long day and a twinge of sadness flushes through our body. We see those around us starting families while we come home to an empty house. And the whole “struggle” starts to feel senseless. We begin to ask ourselves, “Is it really wrong?” “Does God actually expect me to live a single, celibate life?” “If God is so concerned about same-sex attraction why hasn’t he changed my desires after all this time?” That’s when it happens.  Some of us who thought homosexuality is sin change our minds. The common theme I see in testimonies of Christians who once disavowed homosexuality, but later affirm it is: “I didn’t change.” For examples, here are quotes from online ex-ex-gay stories:

“I entered reparative therapy… again… hoping that God would honor my efforts and finally fix me. . . Throughout two decades I sought reparative therapy and other ex-gay treatments and methods. Prayer, fasting, inner healing, accountability groups, medication, and 12-step groups. Even a scary exorcism attempt with lots of shouting. Since none of it made any difference, I became pretty despondent and hopeless over time.”

“And thus began a 24 year journey of repression, costly pursuits of healing and repeated disappointment. I never changed . . . . In 2000, at the age of 40 after spending about $25,000 for therapy, conferences and programs, and after 24 years of fighting, I became very depressed. I gave up ministry and trying to change my sexual orientation. I left my church and isolated myself from the Body of Christ for 6 years.”

“After college I decided to move back to Dallas and go about changing my sexuality. My search led me to a small group in Dallas. . . I never once was introduced to a man who had been cured of his attraction. I never saw any progress in any of the men there with their struggle. A large number of the men were pastors, deacons, university officials, politicians, worship leaders, etc. Sadly, many had been there for 5+ years, paying thousands of dollars for the hope of a change.”

“I did go through another program during that time, this one geared more generally toward sexual addictions (since that’s what homosexuality was, according to many of the books I’d read), but again, it brought me no closer to my goal of becoming straight.”

“Unless there was a divine miracle, I would never feel about women the way a heterosexual man felt about women.”

Some of us may be tempted to chide these individuals, “Well, their focus was in the wrong place. They made sexual orientation change their priority instead of Christ.” Its true, change seems to have become the focal point. But, I believe they started out with the same noble aspirations I did, “I’ll live for Christ no matter what.” Despite our best intentions, our lives sometimes turn out differently than we once envisioned. I can completely empathize with these ex-ex-gays. I have had times (and sometimes still do) when I wonder if it’s worth the struggle. Or if I am just enduring something that really doesn’t matter in the large scheme of things.

So let’s be honest. Let’s have a real conversation about the reality that some of us may not live up to our initial noble expectations. Let’s talk about the fact that some of us are not going to experience change in our sexual orientation and the implications that has on our lives:

1. How do you feel about the fact that your same-sex attraction may not change? How does that affect the decisions you make for your life?
2. If you do not affirm homosexuality, what would you say to these ex-ex-gays who have clearly put blood, sweat and tears into trying to do what they believed was right?
3. If you do affirm homosexuality, what is it about the lack of change in sexual orientation that made you believe homosexuality is okay?
4. How does change or lack of change in our life circumstances relate to Christian theology and the Christian life?

Note: I hope to expand on my own thoughts in a separate post, but would like to have a general discussion first. Also, this conversation is NOT about whether change is possible or not. That has already been hashed out here. Please do not leave comments about that. This is a discussion about how we respond to, and base decisions for our lives on, the lack of change.

Renee is a well-educated physician who had everything she wanted in life. She had a long-term monogamous relationship with her lesbian partner, a son, a house, an accepting family and a great church. But, something was missing. Despite having all these things she had no peace. And, she didn’t know why. She found herself sitting in “a puddle of tears” crying out to God for the answer. What God revealed scared her. He asked her to put her sexuality under his guidance. Two years ago, she took that risk and is no longer in a same-sex relationship. She reports, “It was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life.” It challenged her entire sense of identity.  But the results were exactly what she hoped for. She finally had peace. And more than peace, she experienced a joy that made her want to “shout from the rooftops.”

Renee is one of three people who shared her story as part of a panel at Gateway Church in Austin, Texas in August 2009. All three panelists are members of Gateway. Two of them began attending the church with their lesbian partners. In fact, one of them admits she started coming just to test how Christians would react to her same-sex relationship. The third panelist began attending eight years ago after a member of Gateway stood up for him at the gym when he was being harassed by a couple Bible thumpers.

These are not testimonies of coming out of wild, drug abusing, promiscuous “lifestyles.” These are just three people pursuing God as they felt led. They admit still having same-sex attraction. The focus is not on changing sexual orientation, but on hearing from God and walking toward Him. Watch it for yourself here (Pastor Ted Beasley speaks for about 15 minutes and the panel discussion is about 35 minutes):

Click here: Gateway Video

Even Jerry Falwell’s ultra-conservative Liberty University has gay students. In 2007, at least forty LGBT students at Liberty sought help from the campus counseling center. I read that surprising stat in Kevin Roose’s insightful book The Unlikely Disciple. Roose went undercover for a semester to get the inside scoop on “America’s holiest university.” Among other things, he writes about a discussion he had with one of the school’s counselors, Pastor Rick:

Earlier this year, Rick tried to start a group therapy session for his gay disciples (he called it Masquerade), but no one showed up for the meetings. ‘They didn’t want to reveal their struggles,’ he says. ‘We’re hoping that next year, we can tell guys they don’t have to be afraid.’ So now, he meets regularly with forty gay Liberty students in one-on-one sessions . . . He says his job, first and foremost, is to provide emotional support for gay Liberty students. ‘The problem is, the church has been too busy condemning kids for having these feelings, and now they won’t come for help.’ A proper approach to gay conversion, according to Rick, involves massive amounts of prayer and Bible study, as well as focused mental exercises . . . ‘It’s important to figure out where this same-sex attraction comes from,’ Rick says. (pp. 184-185).

This summer the Journal of Psychology and Theology published an article by Yarhouse, Stratton, Dean and Brooke entitled Listening to Sexual Minorities on Christian College Campuses. A sample of 104 undergraduates from three Christian schools completed an anonymous survey. Results showed:

• 70% reported they first became aware of their same-sex attraction, on average, by 12.9 years old
• 75% had not disclosed to their mothers
• 82% had not disclosed to their fathers
• 85% had not disclosed to siblings
• 42% had not disclosed to a friend
• 93% had never disclosed to a youth pastor
• 75% felt there are, to a “great extent” or “very great extent,” attitudes on campus that make it difficult for students with same-sex attraction
• 75% knew the campus counseling center was a resource, but only 14% utilized it
• 39% knew campus ministries were a resource, but only 1% utilized them

The majority of these students did not affirm a gay identity, and valued the support of the Christian community to live congruently with their values. This was the case despite experiencing negative attitudes from fellow Christians. Interestingly, few students cited faculty and staff as the source of negativity. Most antagonistic attitudes came from peers.

As the above statistics indicate, many gay Christian college students are still closeted, particularly to their family members, youth pastors and counselors. When disclosure does happen it is usually with friends. However, some young evangelicals are beginning to speak up.  Recent Wheaton College graduate Wesley Hill has published a couple of articles on homosexuality. And another Wheaton grad, Steve Slagg, has also gone public and posted an excellent piece about his college experience. He writes:

I came to Wheaton desperate for answers, knowing my faith and sexuality seemed to be at odds, but having no idea how to reconcile them.  I hoped I would find Wheaton to be a place that was ready to help me answer some of those questions.  I didn’t even know what that would look like at the time.  I think I hoped I would find an environment where people felt safe to be open about their sexuality, and where someone more experienced than me could take me aside and tell me what it was I was supposed to do with myself. I didn’t quite find that.

What I did find was a community of mostly straight friends who admitted their ignorance with regard to my struggle, but promised they would be alongside me no matter what.  I also met several other same-sex attracted students who had the same questions I had: Did we have to become straight?  Was that possible?  Were we destined to be lonely? Surely we weren’t the only ones in our situation, right?  What I didn’t find was answers, or even any well-worn route toward them.  Now I had friends, and we were confused together—we didn’t know what to do with ourselves, and nobody else was telling us.  There seemed to be no protocol for us.

And . . .

In April, a gay activist group called Soulforce visited our campus as part of its Equality Ride, which visited dozens of institutions across the country to protest their policies regarding homosexuality.   In preparation for the Riders’ visit, the college hosted speakers, forums and events to educate the student body . . . On one level, this was exactly what I’d been waiting for.  Wheaton was suddenly a flurry of information about same-sex attraction, and some of it was extremely helpful.  But at the same time the attention on the issue was extremely alienating for those of us [with same-sex attraction].  Despite the floodlights being thrown on the issue of homosexuality, we the homosexual students were still in the dark.  Not one of the sessions reached out to same-sex attracted students or illuminated straight students to our struggle.  We were occasionally mentioned as a liability—the concern seemed to be that one of us would hear Soulforce’s rhetoric and be won over to the wrong side of a moral debate.

The Christian community talks about homosexuality all the time but as Steve points out, it is often conversation directed right past those of us who experience same-sex attraction. During my undergraduate days at a small Baptist college, I heard plenty of rhetoric about voting against gay rights, but no one talked about the possibility that gay students existed on campus. I disclosed to a few trusted friends and professors, but for the most part stayed under the radar. Though, I did write an anonymous letter to the college president expressing my concerns about campus attitudes.

While the majority of gay students at Christian colleges do not appear to affirm homosexuality, the survey in the Journal of Psychology and Theology indicated 13.9% of participants professed a gay identity. A couple weeks ago, I had lunch with one such student. Brandy attended Azusa Pacific University and later started a doctorate at Wheaton, only to be asked to leave due to being in an active lesbian relationship. She is now finishing up her M.Div. at Duke University’s Divinity School and has written about her experiences on her blog. Brandy and I are both attending a class called “Sexuality: Bible, Church and Controversy”—the first course of its kind to be offered at the Divinity School. We have listened to top notch scholars, including Lauren Winner and Ellen Davis. Duke Divinity faculty members hold to a variety of persuasions on homosexuality, but tend to avoid giving their personal views. Instead topics focus on broader perspectives such as the nature of biblical interpretation and the history of sexuality in the Church and the Western world. Later the class will discuss psychological perspectives and pastoral care. Both sides of the issue are being presented, though the curriculum tends to lean slightly toward affirming.

The class is refreshing in its ability to move beyond the tired black and white debate. And for the most part faculty and students appear to be compassionate. However, I notice the same problem Steve did at Wheaton. The class talks about gay people–quite sympathetically too–but there are no gay voices. In fact, it has been mentioned a couple of times that this is not the place to “share our whole life stories.” After all, this is a graduate level course and not a support group. I realize they don’t want the course to devolve into emotional outbursts and sentimentality. But is that what they expect would happen if gay students discuss their experiences? So far I see no listing in the syllabus of speakers who will share what it is like to be a Christian with same-sex attraction. There is a safe, academic distance.

I am concerned about gay Christian college students. The Church has become more compassionate, but still seems at a loss to help. I too wrestle with how we should best respond. My heart breaks when I read some of the e-mails I get from young college students struggling with same-sex attraction. And I often wonder what will become of the 100+ young people I met while volunteering for the youth track at the 2008 Exodus conference. I want to take away all the pain. But I know I can’t, just as no one could magically make things better for me. My one consolation is that I know from experience that there is life on the other side of the storm. I survived those tough early years. The human spirit is often more resilient than we ever expect.

In the near future I hope to post my thoughts on what I have found helpful in making it through my own journey. In the meantime, here are suggestions from the students who participated in the Journal of Psychology and Theology survey as well as from Steve:

Survey participants:

• Do not affirm homosexuality as God-blessed (that is help them live congruently with their sexual ethics).
• Level the playing field by not singling out homosexuality as being more sinful than any other sin.
• Talk about homosexuality, including through providing testimonies, seminars and support groups on campus.

Steve:

• Acknowledge the fact that gay students exist on Christian college campuses.
• Break the silence. Talk about homosexuality, but don’t just talk about it as an abstraction or moral issue. Illuminate the campus community to the real life struggles of living with same-sex attraction. Give faculty, staff and the student body tools to better minister to their fellow classmates who might be gay.
• Provide integrated fellowship groups where gay and straight students can share their struggles together. Support groups solely for those with same-sex attraction can isolate students from the rest of the campus community. Emphasize the commonalities of the Christian walk for all students regardless of sexual orientation, and avoid anything that creates a segregated, “underground”  (and therefore shame-inducing) support group.
• Reassure gay students that they are not the only one’s facing this challenge. It is helpful to connect with other students who are going through the same struggle.
• Reassure gay students they don’t have to face this alone. Be community and family to them.

What about you? What are your thoughts and suggestions?  What can we do to better minister to Christian college students with same-sex attraction? Or if you have same-sex attractions and attended a Christian college, what was your experience?