As I was cleaning out my file cabinet, I came across copies of old letters I had sent a friend who was going through a difficult time. She was struggling to hold onto her faith and pursue God even though it meant making difficult decisions and sacrifices. Below is a letter that is a conglomeration of actual excerpts from those letters. The letter below is for all my friends in cyberspace who may be in a similar situation and need encouragement to keep seeking God.
My dear friend,
After I wrote you last night, a verse came to my mind to share with you, but I wanted to sleep on it. This morning as I was praying for you, I asked God if it was something he wanted me to tell you. As I opened my Bible, it fell open to exact verse I was praying about (and I hadn’t known the reference). It seems it is something the Spirit wants to share with you. So, here it is:
“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (John 12:24).
You are afraid of dying in this situation. And a part of you will die (I say a “part” because there was you before all of this). But that is not the end of the story. The story does not end in death and despair; it ends, “it bears much fruit.” Death will come, but it will not overtake you. Instead, out of it will grow new life and fruitfulness that you did not think possible. The promise in dying is that life comes next. This is not the end of the road for you—only the beginning of a new life. The beginning of a chance to have healing and true obedience in your life, and to discover who God made you to be. You have yet to discover who you are and all that he has purposed for you.
God is able to do more than we think or ask in our lives. Do you believe that? It is his will that you be conformed to who you are meant to be. As Scripture says, “ . . . put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him” (Colossians 3:10). Our role model to image after is Jesus. We have been created to mirror the image of God himself (that utter goodness, purity, love, and righteousness). That image is full of Light. Yet our temptations lead us to image ourselves after broken humanity, to seek after that which tarnishes and darkens the Light in us—the Light that is regenerating us into something different from the things of the world.
My friend, your life is not first and foremost about your best friend, or your family or even yourself. It is about Jesus. The decisions that you make are not first and foremost about your best friend, your family or yourself, they are about Jesus. Whatever decisions you make in life, make it your goal to seek him first in everything you do. Ask him for a heart that loves him more than anything else. Have we not already made our choice to believe in him? Have we not already claimed to be followers of Christ? Then let us truly follow him. Let us fix our mind, not only on our day-to-day problems, but the bigger picture. Pray for a heart that hungers for God
You have been derailed for too long, and it’s time to put the past behind you and move forward. The Christian life is not a passive one in which we wait around for God to zap us into shape. Like any relationship we need to put our hearts into it. We have to fight for our relationship with God. He is a person. He is a person with feelings, and interests and desires. Do you ask him what he is feeling? What he would like from your relationship with him? Sometimes we think of God abstractly, but he is real even though we cannot see him. Fight for him, my friend. Fight for who you are called to be. There is joy and passion in coming to know all you really are and all that God really is.
Pursue God with your whole heart and soul and mind. Purposely go out of your way to seek him. Run after him earnestly. Pray fervently to be released from the things that are keeping you chained. There is more to life than what you have been living. I am praying for you, my friend.
Love, Karen
4 Comments
May 23, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Hi Karen,
I rccently found your blog and I really enjoy reading your encouraging posts as they inspire me to continue on in faithfulness to the Lord. I too am a female who experiences SSA and recently came to the conclusion that after a decade of counseling and exgay minstries, my attractions had not gone away either. At first I was angry at God and considered briefly going off the deep end in rebellion. But the Lord has been so faithful to speak quietly to my heart and my desire is to continue to follow Him despite these feelings. It has been very helpful to know someone has walked this same road but is now choosing celibacy based on your own convictions verus what others tell you should be your convictions. I have come to that same conclusion so it helps to know there are other sojourners on the same path.
My prayer is that Lord continues to bless and use your kind words to minister to those who are hurting and confused. Thanks for sharing your ‘Letter to a Friend’!!!
May 27, 2008 at 7:50 am
Hi amazing grace,
Thank so much for stopping and leaving a comment. I enjoyed hearing your thoughts. I am so glad you have experienced God’s faithfulness and that you are continuing to pursue him. I pray that His joy will be your strength as you keep walking with Him.
June 3, 2008 at 12:13 am
i need a hug. sometimes llife’s trials and tribs become hard to the point of unbearable. but God is greater. my eyes, literal eyes, which were afflicted with a lot of prblems, are starting to see and feel muhc better, following months and months and torturous whining and asking why, why, why. one day last week i was walking up to my front door and i felt God’s voice, so I said, yeah, I know, you are there and my eyes are going to start working again. I don’t feel I deserve it, but I thank you from the bottom of my actions. can we maybe…take a look at the tinnitis next? it feels and sounds like a bunch of demons scratching their talons on a chalkboard – thanks for listening, God. Your will be done. Your grace surely must be sufficient for me, if nothing else changes. It’s all good.
Oops. I may have veered off topic. Smack me, gently, when that happens.
June 4, 2008 at 8:00 am
Gap–here is a *HUG* for you . . . not quite the same electronically, I know, but its the thought that counts, right?
I appreciate hearing how God is working in your life during these difficult times. It is a challenge to hold on to him when we face that kind of pain. Your continued faith encourages me in my own.