Life the Way We Want It, Part III

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This is the 4^th and final post in this series on walking by the Spirit (and not rules). It is also a “double-edition” post, a bit longer than usual. Come back to it a few times to absorb it if need be. To summarize the last three posts: 

• Rules do not necessarily help us overcome unwanted behaviors and thoughts.  In fact, they can make the sin struggle worse. 
• God’s laws are beautiful.  However, we don’t fulfill them by maintaining a compliance checklist; we fulfill them by pursuing God relationally.
• We obtain supernatural power to live differently when 1) we truly understand God’s grace and stop trying to measure up, and as a result receive his Spirit and 2) the Spirit matures us over time as we focus whole heartedly—not on ourselves—but on loving God and others.

Rules are problematic because they naturally lead us to focus on outward behavior without inner reflection.  This is why the Pharisees who had impeccable behavior—they tithed regularly, served as missionaries, gave to the poor, fasted and prayed—were considered hypocrites by Jesus.  It was all outward behavior with no heart.  They did these things, not out of love and mercy, but to check them off their list and earn Brownie points.  It is easy for all of us to fall into this trap, especially if we are fearful of God’s disappointment or anger.  When we realize how much God actually loves us, we are less prone to “proving” ourselves.  This opens us up to honest introspection. 

As I was thinking about what has helped me to walk by the Spirit, I noticed it was less about starting/stopping a particular behavior and more about “being.” The list I came up with below is all related to spiritual attributes. Spiritual qualities are first and foremost about character. When we seek these inner spiritual attributes, they overflow to produce the outward behavior we desire. So, instead of praying, “God help me stop doing such and such,” it would be more effective to pray, “God fill me with patience, honesty, knowledge, sober-mindedness, perseverance, wisdom, humility and love.” 

Knowledge of Truth: There is something powerful about truth.  Truth is not merely a static idea or fact.  There is an active component to it. In the same way that God’s word does not go out void, so also truth accomplishes something in the person who is enlightened to it.  As Jesus said, truth sets us free.  When I became enlightened to the depth of God’s grace and love, it altered me.  The truth began to work in me to achieve tangible results in my life.   

Knowing God’s true character changed the way I viewed him and the way I related to him.  Because walking by the Spirit is, in essence, the love pursuit of God, it was crucial for me to know God is worth loving.  I could not love him when I thought he was my taskmaster rather than my Papa.  Nor could I trust him to guide me in what is best for my life when I didn’t think he cared.  Knowing the truth that God’s commands are meant to bring well-being helped me to “rejoice in the truth” and not wrongdoing.  Truth is powerful.  Meditating on truth daily is instrumental in bringing change to our lives.  As the Psalms state, “I have stored up Your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (119:11).  Meditate on truth. 

Honesty: Sometimes I love sin more than God.  Sin brings pleasure (that’s why we do it).  In the past, I didn’t want to acknowledge my love for sin. It didn’t seem like an effective strategy to get on God’s good side.  Wouldn’t God be upset if I just came out and said all the sinful things I wanted to do?  I didn’t think that would impress him very much.  So I played mind games with myself.  For example, I would go over to a certain friend’s house to “chat” when what I really wanted was physical intimacy.  When the visit would culminate in exactly that, I would think, “What? How did that happen?”  I felt less guilty believing I had “accidentally” stumbled than acknowledging I wanted, or even planned, to sin.   

If we want to overcome sin, we need to be brutally honest with God.  Just talk to him.  Say, “Lord I’m going to the grocery store right now to buy three packages of cookies and I’m going to eat them all as soon as I get home.”  The more we are honest the more we open the door to a heart to heart talk with God.  Perhaps, we will discover the real issue is loneliness or anxiety, and God might have a better suggestion for addressing that than eating three packages of cookies.  Or, perhaps our honesty will reveal that we don’t trust God.  Or, that our hearts are hard against him.  When I feel reluctant to do what God tells me, I pray, “Lord give me the desire to follow your ways because I really don’t want to. And even if I did, I’m not sure I know how. Help me find joy in your truth.  Help me see this sin for what it is.” 

Positive Focus: It’s not helpful to perseverate on our sins.  Our tendency is to spend all our energy fretting over our desires and trying to resist them.  Our energy would be better spent thinking about hiking, sailing, getting a college education, being a Big Brother/Sister to a foster kid, discovering and utilizing our spiritual gifts,  traveling to India to work with the poor, etcetera.  One of the best things I ever did was stop trying to change my sexual orientation.  I spent so much time focused on trying to not have my desires that I simply became exhausted and was full of despair much of the time.  God doesn’t need us to fixate on the problem in order to fix the problem. Change often comes when we stop focusing on ourselves, and instead focus on loving God and loving others. There’s more to life than our imperfections. God can handle our weaknesses. Throw out the self-help books, and go serve others. 

Humility: One of the hardest aspects of growing into maturity is living in various stages of imperfection.  Our imperfection means we will experience cognitive dissonance.  We will do what we don’t want to do.  There will be a contradiction between our beliefs and our behavior.  Cognitive dissonance can cause mental illness, including depression and anxiety.  As a result, we sometimes abandon faith to fully embrace sin.  That is, we change our theological beliefs to match our behavior.  This provides relief from the tension.  But, ultimately, it doesn’t get us where we need to go.   

The only way we can survive cognitive dissonance is through humility.  Humility means dependency on God’s grace and forgiveness.  We must grasp the truth that God’s forgiveness is greater than any of our failures.  God’s grace (and the humility to accept it) is the antidote to the despair that inevitably arises with cognitive dissonance.  The fact is we are never going to be perfect in this lifetime.  We will walk with a limp.  The next time our failures tempt us to despair, let us turn it into praise and gratitude for God’s amazing mercy.  Let us turn it into an opportunity to grow in humility.  Let us turn it into eager anticipation for Jesus’ return when all will be perfected. 

Wisdom: Wisdom gives us the guidance we need to make decisions that are edifying.  Wisdom keeps us from acting foolishly and impulsively.  So much of overcoming sin involves making wise decisions.  Scripture says the beginning of wisdom is reverence for God.  God is the source of wisdom; we find it when we seek him.  Scripture also says we should ask for wisdom and God will give it to us.   

To be wise is to be sober-minded. Sometimes we get caught up in day dreams or become “high” on emotions, resulting in lapses in judgment. Sober-mindedness keeps our feet grounded in reality and not fantasy or frivolous worldly things. Do we think about the consequences of our decisions, or do we live impulsively in the moment? Are we getting as close as we can to sin without touching it, or are we fleeing temptation? When we make decisions do we ask ourselves, “Can I ‘technically’ get away with it?” Or, do we ask, “Is this the wisest decision I can make? Does it do everything possible to draw me closer to God and his ways?” 

Patience/Perseverance:  I grew up on stories of sudden, dramatic conversions.  Stories of those caught in vices, who upon reciting the Sinner’s Prayer, were instantaneously delivered.  There is a myth in the Church that says if we verbalize the right prayer or have enough faith, we won’t struggle with sin.  While God does, at times, heal instantaneously, this is not the norm.  Spiritual growth happens over time.  It requires patience and perseverance.  Walking by the Spirit is like a growing tree.  We don’t see a tree grow in the moment.  But wait a few months, a year, ten years and the sapling eventually turns into a solid oak. 

Too often we give up when we don’t see the change we want. We get tired and drop out of the race.  We need God’s Spirit to give us endurance to press forward. As Paul writes, “Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus who for the joy set before him endured the cross . . . consider him who endured, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted . . . We ourselves groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons and daughters, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience” (Hebrews 12:1-3; Romans 8:18-25).  

Love: Our culture is very confused about love.  We often equate our attractions or need for love with love itself.  If we feel a desire or need for someone, we think, “I love this person.” To distinguish between love versus a compulsion to connect with someone out of our own need, we have to examine our motives.  Do our actions and words encourage others to live life fully for Jesus? Are we willing to give up a particular relationship at any time if God asks us to?  Are we  honoring that person’s body and emotions?  Are we doing what is in his/her best interest by encouraging them to obey God’s ways?  Do we treat people with dignity and respect, or are we subtly manipulative and selfish?  Sinning against someone emotionally or physically is not love no matter how good it may feel to one or both parties.   

God made us to be social creatures requiring intimacy with other people.  In fact, our sin is usually an effort to assuage a lack of connectedness.  We eat to comfort ourselves when lonely; we have sexually immoral relationships to find affirmation; we develop various addictions to hide the pain of our insecurities; we act selfishly to fill the gaping hole of our need.  When I was a mental health therapist, most of my clients’ issues stemmed from a breakdown in community. Anxiety and depression are common results to social isolation or relational difficulties. We need community in order to overcome sin. Authentic love, untainted by sin, is the balm for most ailments. We need a place where we can be completely honest about what is going on in our lives so that others can walk along side us. Isolation and secretiveness will doom us.

I did not find the community I needed until I joined a house church.  While the anonymity of a large church felt safe, it also starved me emotionally.  I needed more than lighthearted friendliness once a week.  I needed family. If you are having difficulty finding community, consider a multigenerational house church or small church with fifty people or less. Then stick with it. The road to recovery often means we will have to experience the discomfort of loneliness until connectedness is established. Resist the temptation to allow loneliness to lead to self-absorption. Though it may be difficult, focus your attention on loving others, and trust God to bring healthy people to love you in return. 

Finally, love begins with loving God. God is not an accountant in the sky keeping a record of all our mistakes. He is a relational Being. Like any relationship, it requires effort, initiative, longevity and selflessness on our part. Read I Corinthians 13. Are we patient with God? Do we trust him? Do we care about his interests and dreams? The Christian walk is not about achieving “levels” and once we reach them, we have “arrived.” Like any friendship or marriage, we have to intentionally make the effort and time to express love to God. 

Okay, I’ve been talking enough. What about you? What have you struggled with? What has helped you in your journey? What are the next steps you need to take? 

Recommended Resource: If you are looking for a spiritually based workbook to explore the process of walking by the Spirit, I recommend Becoming What God Intended. One of my seminary professors, Dr. David Eckman developed this seminar. He has a Ph.D. in Old Testament, but finds his primary passion in encouraging people in the spiritual walk. He has also written the books: Becoming Who God Intended and Sex, Food and God: Breaking Free from Temptations, Compulsions and Addictions.

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