This post will make more sense if read in light of the two previous posts, “Boycott New Year Resolutions” and “Life the Way We Want It, Part I.”
What I love most about our freedom is that it strips everything to its authentic bare-bones. When we are no longer bound to rules, it leaves us at a crossroad to ponder the direction we will take. It exposes our motives. Instead of obeying God out of rote obligation or fear of hell, our freedom allows us to ask: Why should I do this? What do I really want to do? And, what does my decision tell me about myself and my relationship with God?
Those who are spiritually immature will use such freedom as an excuse to self-indulge and get away with as much as possible. Those who follow rules out of obligation, fear of disappointing God, or to prove themselves “good,” will eventually lose incentive and live mediocre spiritual lives. But, those who truly love God will stop at that crossroad and think, “I really want to indulge this sin. I really do. But as much as I want it, and as much as I know God’s grace covers it, I love God more than I love this sin.”
Our freedom allows us to express our love for God more than we ever could when bound to rules. Do you remember the feeling of being picked first for a team because everybody wanted you? And, do you remember the feeling of being picked last only because the rules said they had to take you? What a beautiful thing when someone chooses us, not because they have to, but because they want to! So it is that our freedom gives us the opportunity to choose to love God.
If we do not understand the extent of God’s grace, we will never understand our freedom and if we don’t understand our freedom, we will never love God at the deepest level possible. Ultimately, it is not through rules that we walk by the Spirit; it is through love.
“Love is patient. Love does not insist on its own way. Love is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (I Corinthians 13:4-7). Walking by the Spirit is not about keeping a checklist to monitor our behavior, it is the patient and enduring pursuit of God over a lifetime. It is a pursuit that rejoices with the truth and not wrongdoing; a pursuit that doesn’t insist that life go our own way; a pursuit that is not resentful of what God asks of us. Walking by the Spirit is the desperate, bold trust to follow God no matter what the costs, believing he is good and trustworthy.
As the two previous posts highlighted, walking by the Spirit begins first with understanding God’s amazing grace. When we embrace his grace, by identifying with Jesus’ death and resurrection, his Spirit enters us. We are “tapped into” his power and freed from sin’s exclusive domination. Nothing, not even continued struggles, will take his Spirit away from us. Being enlightened to God’s grace turns on the motor and gets the Power Source humming in our lives. After that, we can “press on the gas” by expressing our love to God. The more we actively pursue God in love, the more the Spirit matures us over time, breaking us free of sinful thoughts and behaviors.
Several years into my struggle with homosexuality, I eventually came to a decision. I determined that no matter how many times I failed, I was going to cling to Jesus. I was going to pursue God until the day I died, even if that meant crawling the whole way. Prior to that decision I had been on the verge of letting go of God. Not because I really wanted to, but because I felt like my soul was being torn in half—my faith on one side and my longing for a woman’s love on the other. The tension was too much. In the midst of that painful stretch I heard a speaker at the ‘98 Exodus conference say (in so many words): “It’s not about the support groups. It’s not about the self-help books. It’s not even about going to church and reading the Bible—as good as those things might be. It is about Jesus. Just Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.” Somehow those words penetrated my numbness and I remembered, Jesus is the Priceless Pearl! And I wanted him. I wanted him no matter what.
After the conference, I began wearing a ring on my wedding finger, hoping it would help me stay faithful to God. But to my disappointment, within weeks, I failed yet again. As I sat there staring at the ring, thinking of my adultery, the Spirit said to me, You didn’t marry God when you started wearing that ring a few weeks ago. You married him when you were six years old and first committed to him. And, God has been there for you all that time; he is faithful despite your adulteries.
I determined then, if God could stick with me despite my failures, I would stick with him. I would never give up pursuing him. Over time, that decision has reaped more fruit than I ever imagined possible. Ten years later, I am a different person. Love changes everything.
In the next post (and the last one in this series), I will share practical ways I have pursued God that have been helpful to me.
5 Comments
January 16, 2008 at 2:00 am
“Walking by the Spirit is not about keeping a checklist to monitor our behavior, it is the patient and enduring pursuit of God over a lifetime.”
Amen, Amen, and Amen.
Karen K, I can hardly imagine the kind of hurt you have experienced in your pursuit of God. But one thing is plain – what he is doing in your life is beautiful, just beautiful. Maybe you are beginning to look like your Father. You make me long for Him.
January 17, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I sure hope I resemble my Father is some small way! That would be great.
Its great how God can bring such redemption from our life difficulties. My experiences have been difficult (as I am sure you have had challenges too), but I have learned so much through it. And, today I am quite happy. I can honestly say, that in some ways, my struggles were the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
January 17, 2008 at 10:38 pm
hi karen I thank jennypo so much for sharing your place with me. I have a few things i would like to ask you about via email if that would be ok??? You have mine so let me know. I echo jennypo’s sentiments as well.
January 17, 2008 at 11:01 pm
I think I needed to read this. Thanks Karen.
January 18, 2008 at 9:13 am
Robert–sure you can e-mail me. I will try sending you one as well.
Brandon–thanks for your comment.
I have actually seen your blog before. I just posted a response to your latest post.