December 13, 2009

My Christmas Letter

Dear Friends,

Well, I blinked and the semester ended.  I knew my time at Duke would whiz by when I received an e-mail the first month of classes informing me of the deadline to apply for graduation.  I came to Duke full of anxiety and excitement.  Anxiety because of fears I would not measure up (unfounded as it turns out) and excitement because I am finally doing what I was born to do—preparing for a career in biblical studies.  In the family album, there is a photograph of me as a three-year-old, curled up on the couch fast asleep with a treasured possession tucked under my arm.  It was not a teddy bear, but a tiny New Testament (which I later beautified with a fluorescent green “Christian fish” sticker).  I didn’t know how to read yet, but already I loved that Book about God.

As a young teen, I bought a “Teach-Yourself-How-To-Read-Biblical-Greek” workbook.  I didn’t get far on my own though.  I had no mentors to guide me.  I grew up in a tradition that discouraged women from wandering into the male domain of theology.  In fact, it was so ingrained in me that women were not allowed to critically study and teach Bible that it never dawned on me to go to seminary, despite my long-running interest in the biblical text.  I thought if I applied I would be denied or relegated to the “women’s track.”  It wasn’t until 2003, when Pastor Rene Schlaepfer suggested seminary, that I realized it was a possibility.  I applied immediately, and haven’t looked back since.

Coming to Duke has been especially meaningful because of its female faculty.  Despite growing up in the church and attending Bible college and seminary, I never met a female Bible scholar.  In fact, I had never met a woman who attended seminary until I met Pastor Rene’s wife.  Next semester, for the first time in my life, I will study under two female Old Testament scholars, Dr. Ellen Davis and Dr. Anathea Portier-Young.  These are brilliant women. I mean, literally, brilliant (I will also have the privilege of taking a religion class from Dr. Lauren Winner—an equally gifted scholar).  I can’t tell you what that does for my spirit.  Just thinking about it makes me very emotional. It validates an integral part of me that was rejected and repressed for so long.  Discovering there are women in the world who “look like me” is a healing balm.

In addition to reveling in academics, other meaningful things have transpired during my short time in Durham, North Carolina.  I wrote a chapter for a book, engaged the homosexuality debate in my new church, and attended a funeral of a man I never met.  Recently, I was asked to write a chapter on ministering to women with same-sex attraction for the book Shepherding Women in Pain.  I am one of 17 contributing authors discussing a wide range of issues pastors and lay leaders might encounter when serving women in their congregations.  In between moving across the country and starting classes, I scrambled to pull something together.  Given more time I would have refined the writing, but overall I’m satisfied with the content given the vastness of the topic and the brevity of space allowed.  I learned this week that my chapter was accepted with no changes, despite being several pages over the allotted amount.  The book is scheduled to be released in April 2010.  It is a practical resource with a template “what to do, what not to do” format.  I am curious to read what the other contributors have written.

Speaking of homosexuality, when I arrived in Durham, I showed up for church to find the group was in the middle of a series on sex.  Homosexuality was next on the agenda.  “What a coincidence,” I thought.  Within three Sundays I was giving a presentation to these people I had just met.  This small house church has a range of theological beliefs from conservative to quite liberal.  It has been a learning experience navigating how to be a church with such a diverse group.  In addition to my presentation, another participant, Dave, led a discussion on the gay-affirming perspective. Dave and I are very similar—opinionated and passionate. This made for some intense discussions. So, we had lunch together one afternoon to get to know each other better. He is a great guy with a compassionate heart for people. We are trying to discover together what it means to be brother and sister in the same church despite our different views.

Another event that had an impact on me this semester was the death of a man I never met. David Knauert had just completed his Ph.D. in Hebrew Bible at Duke last spring and was about to move to Brazil to commence his dream job teaching at the Post-Graduate Ecumenical Institute in Sao Paulo. He died suddenly while jogging, leaving behind a wife and four children. He was only 38 years old. When I saw the announcement that went out through the Divinity School e-mail chain, my heart sank. It seemed so incomprehensible that a man who had worked so hard to prepare for service was taken on the cusp of his dream. It seemed utterly senseless that four children, ages 4-11, would grow up without their father, and that his wife would be widowed so young. Why did God allow this to happen? It stirred up my own fears of premature death and anxiety about the sovereignty of God. Would God shatter my dreams too?

I decided to attend the funeral to support the family and to remind myself of how fleeting life is. I watched as the casket moved slowly down the aisle just inches from me. I saw David’s wife and children walk past me. It was sobering and surreal. I have spent several weeks mediating on what it means to trust God. I, too, hope to earn a Ph.D. in Hebrew Bible. But, as David’s death reminds me, my dreams must find their place in God alone. In his song, Dream Come True, Dennis Jernigan sings:

Dreams are meant for dreaming, but dreams may not come true.
When my dreams are shattered Lord, I lift them up to you.
And no one can take that away. You are my dream come true.
Dreams are meant for dreamers. So, that’s what I will do.
Here is my heart for dreaming, Lord. So, let your Light pour through.
No one can take that away. All of my dreams are in You.

The uncertainty of life scares me. I cannot control my circumstances or anyone else’s. It is a haunting vulnerability. Yet, that fear forces me to evaluate what I really believe. Do I truly believe there is a God? Do I believe he is good? Good enough to trust when dreams are shattered? When Jesus’ followers were disillusioned, and many of them left, he asked Peter, “Do you want to leave me too?” Peter replied, “Where else can I go? You have the words of life.” That is where I find myself—where else can I go? There is no where else. So, I hold fast to what I believe is true: every good and perfect gift comes from God. Ultimately, our dreams are found in him, and nothing can take that away.

I would love to hear what you have been pondering and experiencing over the past year. And I hope your Christmas is peaceful, meaningful and glad.

Love, Karen

December 7, 2009

What Do You Think of The Manhattan Declaration?

On November 20th, a group of more than 150 Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Anglican and Evangelical leaders released the Manhattan Declaration. The document is a “clarion call to Christians to adhere to their convictions and informs civil authorities that the signers will not—under any circumstance—abandon their Christian consciences.”  The signers promise not to comply with laws that violate Christian tenants pertaining to abortion, euthanasia, and sexual relationships. The document is signed by a wide range of individuals from left-leaning Ron Sider to ultra-conservative Ken Hutcherson. As of today more than 260,000 people have signed on.

So, what do you think about this document? Specifically, what is your view on Christian leaders publishing declarations of this nature? And, what are your thoughts on the content of the declaration, particularly as it relates to the segment on marriage and same-sex relationships?

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November 15, 2009

Digest II

1. Pray for Uganda. Andrew Marin and Warren Throckmorton are calling for 30 minutes of prayer this Tuesday, November 17th regarding Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Bill. They are encouraging people to gather together to pray specifically:

  • That this legislation be thrown out.
  • For protection and peace for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters living in this oppression in Uganda and around the world.
  • That the Ugandan Church realize this legislation is not morally or Scripturally correct – as there has been disturbing news recently coming from some of my contacts in Uganda and Parliament that the Ugandan Church is starting to make official statements in favor of this bill. I will be posting those as soon as they are official.

The world will feel this impact! I know that on the evening of November 17th I [Andrew] have a large group gathering in Chicago that will be focusing our time in prayer for the aforementioned three requests . . . we have a unique opportunity to gather throughout the globe to lift these injustices to our Creator to make a divine impact. If your belief urges you to do so, please join us in this day of prayer.

2. In the comments for the last post, the subject of body theology came up. Recently, someone highly recommended to me a CD set called Naked Without Shame. In this series, theologian Christopher West discusses John Paul II’s theology of the body. Lest you think this may only appeal to conservatives, the person who recommended it to me is gay-affirming, but found the discussion compelling. I have not had a chance to listen to it yet, but I am wondering if you all might be interested in having a “club” discussion as we did with Andrew Marin’s book. It only costs $4.90. Perhaps, order it now and we can begin a dialogue after the New Year? What do you think?

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November 7, 2009

More Evangelicals Becoming Gay Affirming?

A few years ago, a friend of mine who is a well-known leader in the emerging church movement told me that many evangelical leaders are quietly questioning their traditional stance on homosexuality. These leaders are open to a gay affirming position, but have kept quiet for fear of alienating their congregations. However, now evangelical leaders—and not just in emerging circles—are testing the waters more publicly. Last year Tony Jones of Emergent gave a nod to the gay affirming position on his blog. Likewise, Brian McLaren, often ambiguous, has encouraged churches to be agnostic. And in two weeks, Highlands Church, in Denver, Colorado will be hosting “The Evangelical Church and Homosexuality,” a symposium featuring gay-affirming speakers Justin Lee and Mark Achtemeier.

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October 20, 2009

Urgent: Uganda’s Inhumane Anti-Homosexuality Bill

As many of you may already know there is a highly disturbing bill being considered by the Ugandan government that will place inhumane penalties on those who are gay or lesbian, as well as those who are friends or family of LGBT people. The Ugandan government already allows life imprisonment if convicted of homosexuality. However, a new proposed bill goes even further. Not only does it advocate the death penalty in certain cases, but it also requires anyone who knows of possible homosexual activity to report it within 24 hours or face up to three years in prison. Additionally, it severely censors free speech. Anyone blogging, speaking or otherwise expressing any views on homosexuality considered contrary to the government’s faces the prospect of prison (see the complete text of the bill here).

Keep reading →

October 13, 2009

What If You Don’t Change?

What do you do when your sexual orientation doesn’t change? Your answer to that question–now or down the road–will significantly impact your life. Gay Christians’ responses to the lack of change is often the determining factor in whether or not a person ultimately affirms homosexuality as God-blessed. Having either participated in or observed the ex-gay movement for the last fifteen years, I have noticed certain patterns. Usually, initial involvement in a support group brings relief and a sense of camaraderie. There are noble commitments to live for God “no matter what.” And the mantra, “It’s not about heterosexuality; it’s about holiness” keeps everything afloat . . . for awhile. Yet, after four to five years (for some even longer), disillusionment sets in. As it turns out, single celibacy is more challenging than we thought it would be. Or maybe we just assumed we would be one of the lucky ones who ended up married. Singleness was fine for a few years, but five, ten, twenty? A lifetime?

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October 4, 2009

Three Gay People Seeking God

Renee is a well-educated physician who had everything she wanted in life. She had a long-term monogamous relationship with her lesbian partner, a son, a house, an accepting family and a great church. But, something was missing. Despite having all these things she had no peace. And, she didn’t know why. She found herself sitting in “a puddle of tears” crying out to God for the answer. What God revealed scared her. He asked her to put her sexuality under his guidance. Two years ago, she took that risk and is no longer in a same-sex relationship. She reports, “It was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life.” It challenged her entire sense of identity.  But the results were exactly what she hoped for. She finally had peace. And more than peace, she experienced a joy that made her want to “shout from the rooftops.”

Keep reading →

September 19, 2009

Gay Students at Christian Colleges

Even Jerry Falwell’s ultra-conservative Liberty University has gay students. In 2007, at least forty LGBT students at Liberty sought help from the campus counseling center. I read that surprising stat in Kevin Roose’s insightful book The Unlikely Disciple. Roose went undercover for a semester to get the inside scoop on “America’s holiest university.” Among other things, he writes about a discussion he had with one of the school’s counselors, Pastor Rick:

Earlier this year, Rick tried to start a group therapy session for his gay disciples (he called it Masquerade), but no one showed up for the meetings. ‘They didn’t want to reveal their struggles,’ he says. ‘We’re hoping that next year, we can tell guys they don’t have to be afraid.’ So now, he meets regularly with forty gay Liberty students in one-on-one sessions . . . He says his job, first and foremost, is to provide emotional support for gay Liberty students. ‘The problem is, the church has been too busy condemning kids for having these feelings, and now they won’t come for help.’ A proper approach to gay conversion, according to Rick, involves massive amounts of prayer and Bible study, as well as focused mental exercises . . . ‘It’s important to figure out where this same-sex attraction comes from,’ Rick says. (pp. 184-185).

This summer the Journal of Psychology and Theology published an article by Yarhouse, Stratton, Dean and Brooke entitled Listening to Sexual Minorities on Christian College Campuses. A sample of 104 undergraduates from three Christian schools completed an anonymous survey. Results showed:

August 23, 2009

I’ve Landed in Durham

This is just a quick note to let you all know I made it safe and sound to Durham, North Carolina. It has been a crazy month! After alternately driving or flying 9,000 miles in just four weeks, I am ready to settle into my digs for awhile. For those of you who prayed for me—thank you! Miraculously my back did not get inflamed despite all the sitting. It was truly amazing. There were no car accidents. No speeding tickets. No thefts. I enjoyed seeing our vast country and seeing friends and family along the way. I am hoping, at some point, to make a little video from my trip. But, that will probably be awhile. My studies are going to consume my time.

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July 13, 2009

Goodbye Santa Cruz

delmar1

One of my favorite alternative theaters

There are many things I will miss about Santa Cruz. I felt a twinge of sadness as I sat in The Crepe Place with a friend the other night. The familiar hangout holds memories, as do the redwood trails at Nisene Marks Park, the sandy cove down the street from my house, the wharf, the church I attended for the first two decades of my life (though now evolved), and the Del Mar and Nickelodeon theaters—just to name a few. I was born and raised in Santa Cruz. It’s in my blood. This place is different from anywhere else I’ve been. That difference is labeled “weird” by some and “magnetic” by others. But, weird or not, it’s what I know, and I like it.

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